I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
