If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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