I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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