How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
