You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize