the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
