So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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