I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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