Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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