So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you would pick up someone in the library
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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