if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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