so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
