im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
