I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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