I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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