Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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