even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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