im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize