No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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