they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
