Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
