I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How does one acquire holy water?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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