too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The adults are the big ones right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
