come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
