My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
