I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
