she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
