Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
