My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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