I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize