i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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