There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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