Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
