so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize