i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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