you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize