R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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