toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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