there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
