I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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