Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
