Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
