Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
