just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
