I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
