i used baking grease as lip gloss
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
