OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize