awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
He passed out mid-signature
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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