with your own penis?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need a beard to bite.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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