Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
