i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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