The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
