Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
