so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
