im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize