I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
