yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
