i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
