Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
