I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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