Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
