Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You're my little dorito
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My balls are so social today.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize