I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
