I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Randomize
