Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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