I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
