I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
