Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
