Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
