How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
