i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Hippo gnu deer
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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