ugly people sure do ruin things
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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