The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
