I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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