Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize