Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We were destined to go to rehab together
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
