Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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