I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
