Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
