I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
