You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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