East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
