your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize