what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
