Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
His hands were made for my vagina.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
