I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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