i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
