How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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