My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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