so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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