You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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