The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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