Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
