Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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