Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
