I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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