can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
