The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
