the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
