ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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