The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
