5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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