i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize